How to take notes at important meetings: questions, answers, follow-ups

You leave a childcare visit, a talk with your landlord or a meeting at the bank feeling that it went well, and two days later you cannot say what was actually agreed. Or the question you forgot to ask comes back to you on the way home. Both are ordinary. A short meeting packs in a lot of information, and memory keeps the mood of a conversation better than its details. A written log fixes most of this, and it takes about five minutes per meeting.

Why the answers disappear after the meeting

Most lists of questions to ask end at the questions. They help you walk in; they do not help you walk out with something you can use. Three patterns come up again and again, and none of them is a failing on your part.

• The question never got asked. The other person was running late, and the thing you came for slid to the end.
• It was answered, but not written down. You understood it in the moment, and by the weekend it had blurred.
• It was written down, but nobody knows what happens next. The note says what was said and not who is doing what: who sends the form, who calls back, who asks the follow-up question.

A fixed place and a fixed format answer all three. You need no special app and no perfect memory, only the same few columns filled in at the same three moments. The log also pairs well with a decision log for big choices: the meeting log holds what you heard, the decision log holds what you chose because of it.

The three-part log: before, during, after

Each meeting gets one row in your log, and the row is filled in three passes. Each pass happens in a different mood (calm at home, distracted in the room, tired afterwards), so each gets a small job.

1. 1

   Before: write the questions, and choose your top three

   List what you want to ask in your own words, then mark the three that matter most. If the meeting runs short, those three still get asked. Add anything you want to hand over or show, such as a list of dates or a quote you were sent earlier, and note who is coming with you.

2. 2

   During: write what was said, in their words

   Note the answer as you heard it, and put terms you did not recognize in quotation marks so you can ask about them later. It is fine to say, 'Can you repeat that so I get it right?' Before you leave, ask one closing question: 'What happens next, and who does it?'

3. 3

   After: finish the follow-up the same day

   Within a few hours, while the meeting is still clear, fill in the follow-up, the person responsible and the due date. Cross off the questions that were answered and carry the rest forward. A row without an owner is only a memory.

Clear words help in the room as much as on paper. Better Health Channel suggests checking you have understood before you respond and saying what you need with 'I' statements. 'Let me check I understood: you will send the dates by Friday?' is a complete, polite sentence.

A meeting sheet you can copy

Below is the whole log as a table. Copy it into a spreadsheet, a notes app or a document, or print it and write on it by hand. One row is one meeting, and the three passes above map onto the columns: the first four are mostly filled in before, the fifth during, the last three after.

Two columns deserve a word. In What was said, in their words, write the answer as you understood it, and if a document came with it, note its date and where it is kept instead of copying figures. In Owner and Due, put a first name and a date: 'we' is not an owner, and if the date is unknown, write 'unknown' and add a step to find out.

What to leave with, by type of meeting

The same log works for every kind of conversation, but the useful 'closing question' changes. Before you go in, decide what you want to leave with in your hand, and ask for it by name.

Bring this, written down

The log is for what you carry out of the room. This list is for what you carry in. Having the facts on paper means the meeting goes on the conversation and not on remembering.

Where the papers go afterwards is covered in where to keep what: the planning folder; where to start planning your first baby helps you choose which conversations come first.

Going as a couple: who asks, who writes

When two people go to a meeting, both of them listen and neither of them records, which is how a decision ends up half-remembered by each. Agree on roles before you walk in. The same person does not have to hold the same role every time, and you can swap whenever one of you finds a role tiring.

Roles matter for more than tidiness. The Greater Good Science Center describes how planning, reminding and remembering often fall to one partner without anyone deciding it, and advises couples to talk about how the work is divided. Taking turns at the pen, and putting an owner's name next to each follow-up, makes that visible.

When time runs out

Meetings end early and some questions stay in your hand. This is not a failure of planning, and the log is built for it. The aim is to make sure an unanswered question is a recorded one, with a way of getting it answered.

1. 1Say it early. Open with 'I have three questions; which should we do first if we run short?' and let the other person help you decide.
2. 2Name what is left. When time is nearly up, say, 'We still have two questions. Where is the best place to ask them?'
3. 3Book the next step before you leave. Ask whether a short call, a written message or another meeting is the right way. People do this differently, so ask rather than assume.
4. 4Write the remaining questions in the log, in the follow-up column, with an owner and a date. They become the first lines of the next list.

After the meeting: what to do and when

Most of what keeps a log useful happens in the first day. A rhythm helps, and it can be small.

1. Within the hour

   Fill in the follow-up

   While the room is fresh, write the follow-up, owner and due date, and put the due date in a calendar you both see (shared calendar rules for couples shows how).

2. The same day

   Tidy the notes

   Replace shorthand with sentences you will understand in three months. Mark any term you still do not follow.

3. Within a week

   Do the follow-up, or move it

   Send the form, make the call, ask the question. If something is blocking it, write why and give it a new date.

4. Before the next meeting

   Read the last row first

   Start your next list from the open questions, not from a blank page.

Keeping a running record

A log is most useful a year later, when you want to see what was said and when. That works only if it lives in one place, in one format, with dates.

• One place. Not a paper note, a phone note and a message to your partner.
• One format. The same columns every time, so you can scan down a column and find the due dates.
• Dated. Note the date written as well as the date of the meeting.

Common questions